Why the five love languages may not be real

Love is complicated. So when a book comes along that promises to simplify the way we express love and prescribes ways to improve our relationships, we jump to embrace it.

The love languages craze was started by a Baptist pastor, marriage counsellor, and anthropologist named Gary Chapman, who first published The 5 Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate in 1992. Ten thousand podcast episodes and 500 million TikTok views later, love languages have become a ubiquitous part of pop culture.

The book’s premise is simple: every person has a primary love language — a way in which they prefer to receive love — and many relationship problems arise from clashing love languages between partners. But a 2024 article by relationship scientists Emily Impett, Haeyoung Gideon Park, and Amy Muise at U of T and York University suggests that these concepts are not scientifically accurate. Instead, they propose a new analogy: love is like a balanced diet where we need all nutrients to maintain a healthy relationship.